We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
