Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
