I think my fart just growled at me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
