I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
