My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
