so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
