by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
