I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
