Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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