Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
