put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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