I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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