you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize