so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
