when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
