Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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