Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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