Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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