I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
