the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
