She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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