Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
