Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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