you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
