I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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