Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
how does that bad decision feel?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
