don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
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this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
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Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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