He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
