I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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