Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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