apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize