I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
