because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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