there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
