Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He told me they were just razor bumps!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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