And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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