You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
