I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
