Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i will never coherently bang her
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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