So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
