Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Drunk is a universal language darling
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
