Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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