I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
