wakey wakey hands off snakey
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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