remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
