Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
