She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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