I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
