i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
