haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
