Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I need a burrito and a hug.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
