you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
