Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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