She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
