I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
