He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
