Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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