Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom