the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.