the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just high enough for therapy.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog