you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
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Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
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The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend