So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
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These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...