You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles