No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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