i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
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I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
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Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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