Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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