im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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