Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
