Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
