I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
