Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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