If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I believe in your delicious
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
