if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
