So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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