just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
