wrigley field is MILF paradise
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
