i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
