He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
