Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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